"I wanna be Barbie - that bitch has everything..."
The former and perfectly lovely Cindy Jackson

Cindy Jackson was born in 1956 on a farm in Ohio and like most little girls, said "Barbie was her idol". It was during those years she got the idea that she "wanted Barbie's life, not her body. I wanted to be an astronaut or a doctor, not a farmer's wife". When Cindy's father died in 1988 and left her a nice sum of money (why do people like this always fall into money?) she finally had the chance to make that goal a reality. So, she started a $100,000 + plastic surgery hobby which continues to this day. She decided she was going to make herself look like her idol, Barbie.

I must interject here that I'm puzzled as to what happened to the "I don't want her body, I want her life" statement, and she didn't take that fortune and pursue some educational options to become that doctor or astronaut. Or find constructive "dream" venues to contribute to and get intellectually involved with, but then I never liked dolls or Barbie, so I can't pass judgment and say she should have done what what I would have, if I had the same chance.

I'm trying like hell to be Politically Correct here.

Fear not - this will last about 20 more seconds.

Between 1988 and currently, Ms. Jackson (no relation to Michael, surprisingly) has had upper and lower eye lid surgery (twice), lip collagen injections (several), liposuction on her stomach, thighs (twice), her jaw, her knees (I'm not kidding), a nose job, a face lift, acid face peels, breast implants, her chin bone shaved and resized, cheek implants, hair transplants/plugs, teeth caps, permanent makeup tattooed on, implants into her lower lip to make it fuller (twice so far), and a butt lift.

It was during these years that she realized she had indeed managed to attain her childhood dream and chose the Deep and Meaningful Barbie Life of starting her own plastic surgery referral service, the Cosmetic Surgery Network.

The uh....former Tim

That was how Cindy...Barbie....CINDY ended up hearing from Tim Whitfield-Lynn, who was in his early 30s. He saw her on a talk show, wearing her daily attire of a tiara and ball gown, in her I Think I Am Really Barbie mind. That was when it dawned on Tim that he had been living a lie, caught in self-destructive tedium. The reason was, he then realized, was because he was not this "Tim" - was really the "male" Barbie, Ken.

Says Tim, " I was stuck in front of my computer, bored out of my brains, looking old before my time because of my fast living. I smoked and drank a lot, and had really ruined my skin".

This is where I got a bit confused. Being a "website designer" in Britain must be really different than being one here in the States. The"fastest living" us devoted computer geeks here are subjected to is when you look up from what you thought were a few hours of work, then realize it's been more like ten hours, and it's like, 1:57 AM so you throw on your shoes with no socks, jump in the car and drive like a bat out of Holy Hell to Taco Bell's Express Take Away lane and grab some dinner before they close at 2:00.

Anyway - Tim embarked on tens of thousands of dollars worth of plastic surgery including a nose job, eyebrow lifted, lips reshaped, dental surgeries and teeth capped, cheek implants, laser skin peels, eye shaping, jaw bone sculpting- and wears bright blue contact lenses. Tim indeed became Ken to Cindy's Barbie. He also legally changed his name to Miles Kendall; "Miles", he says, because he "looks miles better" and "Kendall for Ken-doll" (aren't these two just adorable?). Miles confides that "people treat you differently when you look good". They're attracted to him now, they want to talk to him all the time! No one would before! (Perhaps because drunk, chain smoking, self-loathing types with bad personal hygiene aren't very attractive? .......OK, I lasted 23 seconds...)

Presented for your perusal : Tim/Ken and Cindy/Barbie

In the spirit of credible reporting and a helpful frame of reference; The Real Ken & Barbie

So now the two of them hang out and "tour" on behalf of her Plastic Surgery Referral Network and say it's pretty amazing, the number of people who call and also want to be remade to look like a Ken or Barbie. Cindy is fast to add that no, they are not romantically involved, because Miles is "too young for her". (uh huh...OK hon....) and also that they "are not freaks, but designer people ahead of their time". She also hopes that as the number of men inspired to go through surgery in their personal desire to look like Ken increase, so will her chances of finding a mate, as she only wants a mate that looks like Ken. So you see how deep and spiritual this quest was? Take that, all you farmer's wives! And Miles isn't gay or messed up in the head or anything, he's just "too young", so stop it. (He does seem damn proud of those cheek bones). Quite a startling change in his looks, especially now that the drunken bloat is gone. For the life of me though, except for her nose being slimmer, she doesn't look all that different.

Which brought me to Part Two of this interesting Barbie Story....

to part 2

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