#24......Dec 6, 2002


Hi Guys!

I'm not 100% sure but there might be an interesting event happening here at A-U Central in the next month or two - an ongoing alien experiment into human cellular manipulation.

This past Thursday I went back to the Alien neurologist I saw in May and got another Whole Lot Of Botox injections in my head, face and neck after spending the last month curled up on the couch wanting to die, with these migraines that aren't migraines. For those of you who are new to the newsletter (over 1,000 of you...hi!) I had this done first in May. This neurologist and several others hovered over me, sticking dozens of needles in me. It wasn't pretty. I know I didn't imagine this - but about half way through this really not fun procedure, one of them slipped up and actually said: "Moog oogle kort cleelee?" to the other. I know I was in a ton of pain but I also know when I peeked up from the bandages I was holding to my bloody, dripping forehead, I saw two of them waving tentacles around and arguing. I did. I thought it was all interesting - I'm the Calm Type - and dutifully reported it here in the newsletter . Desperation brought me to do it again this week and it's been 3 days now. I'm at the point where the Botox has spread out enough that when I drink water it squarts out my nose and I can comb my hair without screaming, so I'm in business.

But this time I had the doctor alone and felt I had to clear up this disturbing little image I had from last time. I mean, calm or no, tentacles are tentacles.

Acting like I was just making idle conversation I cleverly said, "Hey! Ha ha ha ...I wrote about you on my web site the last time I had this done. I told everyone you're an alien."

Well get this - he laughed (but it was more of a chortle) and said, "Yeah I am!" So real casual-like I said, "Oh?" (like I hear this daily.. .) "What planet are you from" and after a long pause he said, "Krypton".

Well, I know this is a total lie but at that point he was jamming a long needle into my temple and it's kind of hard to think of a flippant retort when you're in that position. (I know..you're thinking but Rahn! YOU without a flippant retort? Must have been some serious Botoxalness going on there!) Thing is - he has a heavy Spanish accent. And I know from reading comic books that all Kryptonites have German accents. I didn't want to seem too obvious, falling suddenly silent. Pushing it further I said lightly, "Hahaha wow! I probably have had the most Botox shots of anyone in a 6 month period than any human on Earth" and he said, "You're the only one it didn't work on".

Now don't you think that's a strange way to put it? On the way home I stopped in the McDonald's Drive Thru to treat myself to a bag of fries for enduring all those injections like an Adult and not crying and screaming and smashing my chair thru the window like I wanted to..... and it hit me that I had called to make an appointment that morning and Dr. Alien called me personally and told to come in right then, and..AND! the office staff had been all new people since I was last there. Talk about a set up! :::slapping forehead:: (::I think:: ) I fear it's too late. I just wanted to let you know that if I start putting stuff on the site like "Oggle port seebie ingk kapoop" in a month or two, one of you can make a lot of money if you can get out here and take pictures, because it'll be the first time a human was mutated by Botox Overload, that I know of.

Sea lions may have the best memory of all non-human creatures and "never forget", say researchers at the University of Santa Cruz, California after they discovered that Rio, a female sea lion, remembered a trick involving letters and numbers 10 years after she last performed it. Scientists started training sea lions in 1991 by holding up a card that contained numbers and letters and then show them another card that had one of the previous symbols on it and a new symbol that hadn't been. If the sea lion picked the matching symbol, they were rewarded with a fish. Yummy! >}}}">

Last year, Rio was tested again using a set of numbers and letters she had never seen. She not only still remembered the test but did just as well as the first time. Learning concepts such as "sameness" - for instance, when one letter or number matches another - requires sophisticated brain processing.

When a robber in Charlottesville, Virginia tried to rob a 7-Eleven store, cashier Cathy Harris dropped the cash drawer on the floor and told the thief if he wanted the money, to pick it up himself. The Moron, who was wearing a bandana over his face and said he was armed, managed to scoop up only $36 before he ran off, as Harris tossed a stapler at him and hit him in the shoulder.

Ninety years after 120 of the Titanic's victims were buried in a Canadian cemetery, the 13-month old baby who was "Unknown Child' finally has a name - and Eino Panula now also has a family.

Using DNA from the body, over 50 scientists, genealogists, and Titanic researchers ran tests and then tracked down Magda Schlifer, 68, in Helsinki, Finland. Eino's mother was the sister of Magda's grandmother, and she was taking the Titanic with her 5 sons to Pennsylvania to meet up with her husband, who had been working there. Magda said the family knew that their relatives had died when the Titanic sank, but they had no idea any of their bodies had been recovered. She went to Halifax with her daughter, son-in-law and their baby daughter to see the grave and have decided to let Eino's remains continue to rest there

Scientists from Goldsmith's College in London conducted experiments on 25 men and 25 women to study if blood pressure raised by caffeine had an impact on pain sensitivity. Each person placed their hand placed in a bucket of freezing water and then asked to say when they couldn't stand the pain anymore. They were then given either 250mgs of caffeine or a placebo and asked to repeat the process.

It was found that caffeine "increased blood pressure and produced clear headed and energetic feelings within those who had taken it compared with those who took the placebo". Well! Right there that startling info was worth the time and money this research must have cost! Who would have guessed that caffeine makes you more alert?! Wow!!!
But I digress. The researchers also found that women took the caffeine had a higher pain threshold. However, this effect was not seen in men taking part in the study. The research team concluded - drum roll that before women "undergo a painful process such as leg waxing, they might benefit from a double espresso to give them a caffeine boost".

Well, thank the gods the Global Horror of Leg Waxing can now be made more tolerable. I suppose for something a bit more significant, like oh - childbirth - women are recommended to eat a 5 pound bag of coffee, dry, and wash it down with a double Espresso. Although I have never partaken in the ritual of "waxing" my legs or any nether-region of import, I assume it'd be similar inexperience to the "Epi-Lady" device made for leg hair removal. The world has not seen a torture machine of this magnitude since the days of having your lungs pulled out your back or perhaps getting coated in honey, staked naked out in the desert and eaten alive by fire ants. If they used Epi-Ladys for criminal interrogation the crime rate would drop like Clinton's pants. For those gentlemen out there who might not know a woman who, to this day, shakes and blithers at the sight of small wire springs - the Epi-Lady was a hand held electric depilitator that used a small, rotating spring to yank your leg hair out as you moved it, ever so slowly, up and down your legs. I tried it once for about .0405 seconds. That was quite enough. I was told that it didn't so much keep the hair from regrowing for a longer length of time than regular shaving would have because the root was removed; it so traumatized your legs and nervous system that they didn't dare think of doing a thing for 3 months. Imagine having your leg hair pulled out one by one with a tweezer. Now imagine 30 of them being pulled at the same time. Now imagine your nuts being pounded flat by a ball-peen hammer. That's about how much the Epi-Lady hurt. You think a cup of coffee would help that?

Physicists at the Middle Tennessee State University in Murfreesboro say they have broken the speed of light using basic lab equipment that cost $500 and took 45 minutes to put together. By using two different generators, Jeremy Munday and Bill Robertson passed alternating fast and slow light signals through coaxial cable. They said they produced electric impulses that traveled at nearly four times the speed of light.
In the past, faster-than-light speeds have been managed over short distances but only with complex and expensive equipment. However, the guys say, there is too much distortion to make the transmission of data possible.

Meaning they can't exchange naked Britney pics with other planetary systems yet

Anthropologist Krista Henriksen earned her MA from British Columbia's Simon Fraser University with the study "Alien Encounters: A Close Analysis of Personal Accounts of Extraterrestrial Experiences". Although she says she is "highly skeptical" that aliens have ever actually abducted anyone, she thinks it's important to study the phenomenon.
By studying the stories of 60 people who claim to have been abducted by aliens, Henriksen said it can be a 'pleasant experience' and her conclusion is they're basically nice folks. "They tell people they're not alone, that they're special, they're chosen for a purpose. Sometimes they have malevolent messages, manipulative, nasty messages. But that was, by far, the minority. Most often extraterrestrials were bringing messages of goodwill", she said.

"Messages of Goodwill" being code for "anal probe", apparently.
Perhaps they're the Grey equivalent to the Galactic Hallmark Card?

An electronics engineer in Romania says that by request of a dating agency and local businessmen, he's invented a bracelet that will let people know if their partner really loves them. The device measures the person's pulse rate, breathing rate and "other statistics" and then displays them on a screen. By supposedly translating these figures, the inventor - who was too chicken to publicly give him name - says this can give an accurate picture of a man's current feelings. He adds that since a woman's psychology is "more delicate and sensitive" than men's, he believes "only half the data from women will be accurate".

I can see the books, talk shows and problems cropping up already. "If you really loved me you'd wear this bracelet!"... "Men Who Wear Bracelets And The Women Who Love Them".... "I thought she loved me until I realized her data was only half accurate!" ... "Viagara and Pulse Rates - Keeping Things Up to Show That You Really Care". Ok, I better stop.

Faye met Joe Wakefield in a California laundromat in 1949. They fell in love and were married 2 weeks later. Their four children said they had been "inseparable" for over 50 years. Faye, who was 80, died at home of cancer on Nov. 13. A daughter-in-law said once Joe knew that Faye passed away, he gave up his "will to hang in there" and went to meet her, dying 6 hours later.

Hans Brunner, a world-famous hair expert and Associate of Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia is studying hair samples that he thinks will prove the existence of Yeti once and for all. Hair collected from western Sumatra that was found with a Yeti footprint has so far escaped identification by scientists so Bans (who I bet changed his name for showbiz) offered to use his talents to try to solve the mystery. So far the hair has proved a non-match to that of orangutan, chimpanzee, gorilla, sun bear, red leaf monkey, pigtail macaque, Malaysian tapir and humans.

Stay tuned....

Richard Jager, 60, of Newton, South Africa might be a recent victim of either stupidity or spontaneous combustion, say police. Tasty details provided by Inspector Mkokeli Bawuti (they have the best names in South Africa, I swear...) were that Jager's body was found still sitting in a chair next to a small kitchen fire, burned only in front, and from the knees up. The clothes on the front of the body were burnt but those on his back were untouched, and from best guesses, he had been "wearing some sort of hat". Nothing else in his home had been damaged and when police arrived there was still smoke in the room. Two passersby had alerted the police when they saw something burning inside the house. When asked if he had heard of spontaneous combustion, Inspector Bawuti said there were rumors of witchcraft.

The US National Institute for Discovery Science say large, silent triangular objects seen over the US and Europe could be military stealth airships. They believe the craft are designed to be radar invisible, carry massive payloads, travel at relatively high speeds and may be powered by a silent electrokinetic drive which doesn't need propellers.
Colm Kelleher, NIDS's deputy administrator, said "What we're trying to do is transform UFOs into IFOs, or identified flying objects. Our information is that they spend a long time aloft, weeks at a time. They can be thought of as ocean-going ships rather than aircraft." Last year, another NIDS report linked the sightings with flight paths to and from military bases in the US.
No word if these are the soundless, massive triangular craft many have reported only seeing overhead because they were so silent, black and low that they blotted out the stars as they passed over.

Skulls in a collection of 27 skeletons kept at the National Museum of Anthropology in Mexico City have been analyzed at John Moores University in Liverpool, UK, with teams in Oxford and Mexico. It seems that at least two of the skulls are around 13,000 years old. So? You say? It's been thought that humans came to the Americas 12,000 years ago and that those people were the forefathers of the Native Americans. These newly analyzed skulls are dolichocephalic - long and and narrow-headed - while Native skulls are broader and shorter. All ancient human remains in America have been assumed to be Native American, and anthropological studies have often been blocked by tribes who have demanded that ancestral remains be turned over for proper burial and not poked at like an experiment.

The new discovery might mean that humans came to the Americas in two waves - one crossing from Asia on a land bridge (who are Native American) and this other bunch coming up via Japan, through Mexico and the California coast who were in no way related.
Dr Silvia Gonzalez says, "Mexico appears to have been a crossroads for people spreading across the Americas. Our next project is to examine remains found in the Baja peninsula of California, and look at their DNA to see if they are related.

The US government has given a $3 million Energy Department grant to scientists so they can try and develop a new form of life that will "develop new sources of energy and better ways of detecting biological weapons". The mycoplasma Genitalium, a tiny organism that lives in the genital tracts of people, will have it's genetic material removed, a synthetic string inserted in it's place and then planted in a hollow cell.

If it works, the cell will create a life form that has never before existed. It's said that this could lay the groundwork for a new generation of biological weapons, but hey - it won't, honest! They Say this new life form will be made incapable of infecting people and will be confined and also designed to die if it does escape into the environment.

To which I say, "Bull".

Male Cardiocondyla obscurioA ants come in two flavors - an aggressive, wingless type that has nasty mandibles and fight to the death; and a more docile male that "stays out of trouble by wearing lady's perfume and acting like a queen". Say scientists who fell all over themselves laughing when they realized they made a pun.
The study found that while that both types mate with "virgin queens" in the nest, the Macho ants tend to fight, attack each other and act like typical sophomoric buffoons while the - and I'm quoting here - "ladyboy ants" avoid getting their ass kicked by producing a chemical that makes them smell like a female, tricking the violent ants into not starting Guy Crap with them. Sort of. The downside to this is that the Manly Ants really think the other ants are really girls and find them sexually arousing. So sometimes try to mate with them, then say they were 'just really drunk' when they find out the truth.

In order to make this clearer for us, "This toleration of winged males and attempts at homosexual mating with them can be explained by the chemical resemblance of winged males and virgin queens in their bouquet of cuticular hydrocarbons on the body surface, which are important for communication in social insects. Our behavioral observations indicate that young winged males (one to five days old) are as attractive as young virgin queens to ergatoid males," the researchers spewed.


ODD PICS (or front page button) - Well, hell. How timely! In the course of 2 short weeks I had 2 Michael Jackson face updates .... I'm also redoing some of that OP page and links since they were made in my $12 E-Z Web Page maker when I first put up the site and and I'm trying to catch the older sections up in a Big People HTML program now that I hate SO badly, it's not even funny. Links are down, links are screwed up..I'm working on it. Did I say "links"? It's me, and not enough hours in the day.

ODD PICS2 -.... Photo of a warm, wet, pussy (my mom's already typing mail to me as you're reading this.."You don't have to say "Pussy" you know"...) ... The new EuroPenis coin from Miriam..... How to Relax 101 from Julia's cat ... When cats use AOL from Dave G ... One hell of a scary looking ventriloquist dummy from .. One for the Celebrity Irony files from Dave K...a rare photo of a Wisconsin Tan from JBSloop (don't be eating when you look at this...fair warning)...Fire Spirits from Joe

GUEST MAP ARCHIVES added to and cut into sections to make faster loading pages. I seem to have lost a bunch and even looked under the couch, but I will keep culling them off the map and posting them so there's room to pin the map. Plus I get out of paying for it if I keep the # under 600..MUhahahahah. You can get to them from the button on the front

ALIEN BUG REPLIES - I still have a few new ones I see but have put up a page with the meat of them. This was truly a learning experience...I'll let you judge for yourself what the thing is. There's enough terrific input from people and links to photos of bugs that you'll fall in love with whatever the hell they are.

CHEMTRAILS- Some amazing photos sent in by Dave from Sacramento who has taken a huge amount of time the last few weeks to send me photos of spraying out there - if you had doubts these might 'regular contrails' (the ones they claim can't form under 30,000 feet?) take a look and get convinced they aren't ...a list of all the biological and chemical experiments the Government's conducted on the public over the decades without them knowing until it was too late .. photos of spraying right over my head again Nov 25 ..a list of all the bio and chemical experiments the Military/Government has done to citizens without their knowledge....great photos of Thanksgiving Day spraying in Chicago from Shado....great pics from George in Macon, Georgia (funny how that worked out)....a pic of a chem-square and a plane just turning the spray on from Pat in Kentucky

ODD BOOKS has been added to

SCIENCE - a story about the drawings and etchings underneath Master's paintings found in London's Gallery, using infrared photography and computer splicing ...Research find the Funniest Joke in the World

UNDERGROUND BASES is down while I update it with info I've had coming in from people (that was one of the first things up, so I'm redoing it, too). I had some satellite photos up of some of the sites that disappeared twice, so since it seems to bother someone so badly, I'll make a point to get them again. It'll be back up ASAP. Probably after the holidays


HATE MAIL2 - I know this will come as a shock to you, but there's been more. I have added a second page and shortened the first, since it was getting to be a long file.

REGULAR MAIL - I'm chopping away at it slowly, as always. If you wrote and I didn't answer yet, i didn't forget ya

COMING NEXT - A UFO section, because I have some photos from people that are *very* strange. This will also include "sky animals" and any unidentified Things up there. Be forewarned, I think 95% of all the UFO stuff out there is bull...so that 5% I've stumbled on won't be much, but it'll hopefully be Thinkable On. I also have piles of Gov./FBI declassified documents (over 800) and as soon as I can figure out how to put some up with out them being a 12 second DL per page, I will.

ALSO NEXT - Your anomalous stories - please feel free to send yours in, and I'll cull bunches off the archived Guest Map posts. Thanks to those who sent some in and told me they've never told anyone before..I appreciate your trust )


ALSO NEXT- GHOST Section....I've got quite a few photos recently from people that are creepy as hell. Again, I am of the opinion a LOT of the 'ghost' photos out there are explainable and/or bogus, and I've gotten a huge kick out of writing to some people whose ghost photos I've seen on the web to ask permission to post them, only to be told "I faked it..you won't want it". I like that they are honest with me and like that atr least one was being touted on a major site as "definite proof". Gotta love a warped sense of humor! I didn't put up a ghost section (or UFO) but I've had such great things sent in and have stumbled on a few oldies but goodies in all my reading that there's enough to make it worthwhile.

ALSO (and then I'll shut up) ... I'll be updating/redoing some of the older sections of the site (the ones I made in my $12 Drag and Drop Sam's Club Program) so things might be MIA here and there for a day or two because I haven't been able to do much with these damn migraines lately and poop out in the middle of things. Thanks to everyone who's sent corrections and additions and info to add. I really do have a list a mile long of what to fix and correct and add and I appreciate your help.

FREE holiday offer ... This was so evil and naughty, I couldn't pass it up. These are totally real looking Christmas scratch-off Lotto tickets that are all "winners" for tens of thousands of $$$. Let them have their heart attacks and make their phone calls! Do the "Oh my God I'm so happy for you!" shrieking and jumping up and down thing with them. When they read the instructions on the back as to how to file for the money, they'll see they have to get a claim form from Santa Claus and the ticket will be validated by the Tooth Fairy. The good part is they'll be so stunned, you can get a good 15 step running start before it hits them they want to kill you. :) A pack of 3 is FREE until Dec.31st. and will help support the site.

That's it for now....Thanks for reading
Rahni <--- Your Botoxed Blonde "Well, it'll paralyse your muscles! That's good!" Webbabe

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I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Huh?"
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