I'm not 100% sure but there might be
an interesting event happening here at A-U Central
in the next month or two - an ongoing alien experiment
into human cellular manipulation.
This past Thursday I went back to the
Alien neurologist I saw in May and got another Whole
Lot Of Botox injections in my head, face and neck
after spending the last month curled up on the couch
wanting to die, with these migraines that aren't migraines.
For those of you who are new to the newsletter (over
1,000 of you...hi!) I had this done first in May.
This neurologist and several others hovered over me,
sticking dozens of needles in me. It wasn't pretty.
I know I didn't imagine this - but about half way
through this really not fun procedure, one of them
slipped up and actually said: "Moog oogle kort
cleelee?" to the other. I know I was in a ton
of pain but I also know when I peeked up from the
bandages I was holding to my bloody, dripping forehead,
I saw two of them waving tentacles around and arguing.
I did. I thought it was all interesting - I'm
the Calm Type - and dutifully reported it here in
the newsletter . Desperation brought me to do it again
this week and it's been 3 days now. I'm at the point
where the Botox has spread out enough that when I
drink water it squarts out my nose and I can comb
my hair without screaming, so I'm in business.
But this time I had the doctor
alone and felt I had to clear up this disturbing little
image I had from last time. I mean, calm or no, tentacles
Acting like I was just making idle
conversation I cleverly said, "Hey! Ha ha ha
...I wrote about you on my web site the last time
I had this done. I told everyone you're an alien."
Well get this - he laughed
(but it was more of a chortle) and said, "Yeah
I am!" So real casual-like I said, "Oh?"
(like I hear this daily.. .) "What planet are
you from" and after a long pause he said, "Krypton".
Well, I know this is a total lie
but at that point he was jamming a long needle into
my temple and it's kind of hard to think of a flippant
retort when you're in that position. (I know..you're
thinking but Rahn! YOU without a flippant retort?
Must have been some serious Botoxalness going on there!)
Thing is - he has a heavy Spanish accent. And I know
from reading comic books that all Kryptonites have
German accents. I didn't want to seem too obvious,
falling suddenly silent. Pushing it further I said
lightly, "Hahaha wow! I probably have had the
most Botox shots of anyone in a 6 month period than
any human on Earth" and he said, "You're
the only one it didn't work on".
Now don't you think that's a strange
way to put it? On the way home I stopped in the McDonald's
Drive Thru to treat myself to a bag of fries for enduring
all those injections like an Adult and not crying
and screaming and smashing my chair thru the window
like I wanted to..... and it hit me that I had called
to make an appointment that morning and Dr. Alien
called me personally and told to come in right
then, and..AND! the office staff had been all
new people since I was last there. Talk about
a set up! :::slapping forehead:: (::I think:: ) I
fear it's too late. I just wanted to let you know
that if I start putting stuff on the site like "Oggle
port seebie ingk kapoop" in a month or two, one
of you can make a lot of money if you can get out
here and take pictures, because it'll be the first
time a human was mutated by Botox Overload, that I
SEA LION TRAINS
SCIENTISTS TO DO TRICK 10 YEARS LATER
Sea lions may have the best memory of all
non-human creatures and "never forget", say
researchers at the University of Santa Cruz, California
after they discovered that Rio, a female sea lion, remembered
a trick involving letters and numbers 10 years after she
last performed it. Scientists started training sea lions
in 1991 by holding up a card that contained numbers and
letters and then show them another card that had one of
the previous symbols on it and a new symbol that hadn't
been. If the sea lion picked the matching symbol, they
were rewarded with a fish. Yummy!
Last year, Rio was tested again using
a set of numbers and letters she had never seen. She
not only still remembered the test but did just as
well as the first time. Learning concepts such as
"sameness" - for instance, when one letter
or number matches another - requires sophisticated
I LOVE THIS
When a robber in Charlottesville, Virginia tried
to rob a 7-Eleven store, cashier Cathy Harris dropped
the cash drawer on the floor and told the thief if
he wanted the money, to pick it up himself. The Moron,
who was wearing a bandana over his face and said he
was armed, managed to scoop up only $36 before he
ran off, as Harris tossed a stapler at him and hit
him in the shoulder.
BABY IDENTIFIED THROUGH DNA
Ninety years after 120 of the Titanic's
victims were buried in a Canadian cemetery, the 13-month
old baby who was "Unknown Child' finally has
a name - and Eino Panula now also has a family.
Using DNA from the body, over 50 scientists,
genealogists, and Titanic researchers ran tests and
then tracked down Magda Schlifer, 68, in Helsinki,
Finland. Eino's mother was the sister of Magda's grandmother,
and she was taking the Titanic with her 5 sons to
Pennsylvania to meet up with her husband, who had
been working there. Magda said the family knew that
their relatives had died when the Titanic sank, but
they had no idea any of their bodies had been recovered.
She went to Halifax with her daughter, son-in-law
and their baby daughter to see the grave and have
decided to let Eino's remains continue to rest there
CURE THIS WEEK SO ....
Scientists from Goldsmith's College in
London conducted experiments on 25 men and 25 women
to study if blood pressure raised by caffeine had
an impact on pain sensitivity. Each person placed
their hand placed in a bucket of freezing water and
then asked to say when they couldn't stand the pain
anymore. They were then given either 250mgs of caffeine
or a placebo and asked to repeat the process.
It was found that caffeine
"increased blood pressure and produced clear headed
and energetic feelings within those who had taken it compared
with those who took the placebo". Well! Right there
that startling info was worth the time and money this
research must have cost! Who would have guessed that caffeine
makes you more alert?! Wow!!!
But I digress. The researchers
also found that women took the caffeine had a higher pain
threshold. However, this effect was not seen in men taking
part in the study. The research team concluded - drum
roll that before women "undergo a painful process
such as leg waxing, they might benefit from a double espresso
to give them a caffeine boost".
Well, thank the gods the Global Horror of Leg Waxing
can now be made more tolerable. I suppose for something
a bit more significant, like oh - childbirth - women
are recommended to eat a 5 pound bag of coffee, dry,
and wash it down with a double Espresso. Although
I have never partaken in the ritual of "waxing"
my legs or any nether-region of import, I assume it'd
be similar inexperience to the "Epi-Lady"
device made for leg hair removal. The world has not
seen a torture machine of this magnitude since the
days of having your lungs pulled out your back or
perhaps getting coated in honey, staked naked out
in the desert and eaten alive by fire ants. If they
used Epi-Ladys for criminal interrogation the crime
rate would drop like Clinton's pants. For those gentlemen
out there who might not know a woman who, to this
day, shakes and blithers at the sight of small wire
springs - the Epi-Lady was a hand held electric depilitator
that used a small, rotating spring to yank your leg
hair out as you moved it, ever so slowly, up and down
your legs. I tried it once for about .0405 seconds.
That was quite enough. I was told that it didn't so
much keep the hair from regrowing for a longer length
of time than regular shaving would have because the
root was removed; it so traumatized your legs and
nervous system that they didn't dare think of doing
a thing for 3 months. Imagine having your leg hair
pulled out one by one with a tweezer. Now imagine
30 of them being pulled at the same time. Now imagine
your nuts being pounded flat by a ball-peen hammer.
That's about how much the Epi-Lady hurt. You think
a cup of coffee would help that?
BUFFS HAVE SAID THIS IS POSSIBLE FOR DECADES...
Physicists at the Middle Tennessee State
University in Murfreesboro say they have broken the speed
of light using basic lab equipment that cost $500 and
took 45 minutes to put together. By using two different
generators, Jeremy Munday and Bill Robertson passed alternating
fast and slow light signals through coaxial cable. They
said they produced electric impulses that traveled at
nearly four times the speed of light.
In the past, faster-than-light speeds have been managed
over short distances but only with complex and expensive
equipment. However, the guys say, there is too much distortion
to make the transmission of data possible.
Meaning they can't exchange naked Britney pics
with other planetary systems yet
ABDUCTION CAN BE GOOD FOR YOU, SAYS THIS PERSON
Anthropologist Krista Henriksen earned her
MA from British Columbia's Simon Fraser University with
the study "Alien Encounters: A Close Analysis of
Personal Accounts of Extraterrestrial Experiences".
Although she says she is "highly skeptical"
that aliens have ever actually abducted anyone, she thinks
it's important to study the phenomenon.
By studying the stories of 60 people who claim to have
been abducted by aliens, Henriksen said it can be a 'pleasant
experience' and her conclusion is they're basically nice
folks. "They tell people they're not alone, that
they're special, they're chosen for a purpose. Sometimes
they have malevolent messages, manipulative, nasty messages.
But that was, by far, the minority. Most often extraterrestrials
were bringing messages of goodwill", she said.
"Messages of Goodwill" being code for
"anal probe", apparently.
Perhaps they're the Grey equivalent to the Galactic
LOVE? OR A PANIC ATTACK?
An electronics engineer in Romania says that
by request of a dating agency and local businessmen, he's
invented a bracelet that will let people know if their
partner really loves them. The device measures the person's
pulse rate, breathing rate and "other statistics"
and then displays them on a screen. By supposedly translating
these figures, the inventor - who was too chicken to publicly
give him name - says this can give an accurate picture
of a man's current feelings. He adds that since a woman's
psychology is "more delicate and sensitive"
than men's, he believes "only half the data from
women will be accurate".
I can see the books, talk shows and problems cropping
up already. "If you really loved me you'd wear
this bracelet!"... "Men Who Wear Bracelets
And The Women Who Love Them".... "I thought
she loved me until I realized her data was only half
accurate!" ... "Viagara and Pulse Rates
- Keeping Things Up to Show That You Really Care".
Ok, I better stop.
THIS IS LOVE...
Faye met Joe Wakefield in a California laundromat
in 1949. They fell in love and were married 2 weeks later.
Their four children said they had been "inseparable"
for over 50 years. Faye, who was 80, died at home of cancer
on Nov. 13. A daughter-in-law said once Joe knew that
Faye passed away, he gave up his "will to hang in
there" and went to meet her, dying 6 hours later.
TESTS BEING CARRIED
OUT ON 'YETI' HAIR
Hans Brunner, a world-famous
hair expert and Associate of Deakin University in
Melbourne, Australia is studying hair samples that
he thinks will prove the existence of Yeti once and
for all. Hair collected from western Sumatra that
was found with a Yeti footprint has so far escaped
identification by scientists so Bans (who I bet changed
his name for showbiz) offered to use his talents to
try to solve the mystery. So far the hair has proved
a non-match to that of orangutan, chimpanzee, gorilla,
sun bear, red leaf monkey, pigtail macaque, Malaysian
tapir and humans.
DAMN, THE GOOD
STORIES NEVER HAVE PHOTOS!
Richard Jager, 60, of Newton, South Africa
might be a recent victim of either stupidity or spontaneous
combustion, say police. Tasty details provided by
Inspector Mkokeli Bawuti (they have the best names
in South Africa, I swear...) were that Jager's body
was found still sitting in a chair next to a small
kitchen fire, burned only in front, and from the knees
up. The clothes on the front of the body were burnt
but those on his back were untouched, and from best
guesses, he had been "wearing some sort of hat".
Nothing else in his home had been damaged and when
police arrived there was still smoke in the room.
Two passersby had alerted the police when they saw
something burning inside the house. When asked if
he had heard of spontaneous combustion, Inspector
Bawuti said there were rumors of witchcraft.
SO... WHAT ARE THEY DOING UP THERE?
The US National Institute for Discovery Science
say large, silent triangular objects seen over the US
and Europe could be military stealth airships. They believe
the craft are designed to be radar invisible, carry massive
payloads, travel at relatively high speeds and may be
powered by a silent electrokinetic drive which doesn't
Colm Kelleher, NIDS's deputy
administrator, said "What we're trying to do is transform
UFOs into IFOs, or identified flying objects. Our information
is that they spend a long time aloft, weeks at a time.
They can be thought of as ocean-going ships rather than
aircraft." Last year, another NIDS report linked
the sightings with flight paths to and from military bases
in the US.
No word if these are the soundless, massive triangular
craft many have reported only seeing overhead because
they were so silent, black and low that they blotted out
the stars as they passed over.
MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN
Skulls in a collection of 27 skeletons
kept at the National Museum of Anthropology in Mexico
City have been analyzed at John Moores University
in Liverpool, UK, with teams in Oxford and Mexico.
It seems that at least two of the skulls are around
13,000 years old. So? You say? It's been thought that
humans came to the Americas 12,000 years ago and that
those people were the forefathers of the Native Americans.
These newly analyzed skulls are dolichocephalic -
long and and narrow-headed - while Native skulls are
broader and shorter. All ancient human remains in
America have been assumed to be Native American, and
anthropological studies have often been blocked by
tribes who have demanded that ancestral remains be
turned over for proper burial and not poked at like
The new discovery might mean
that humans came to the Americas in two waves - one crossing
from Asia on a land bridge (who are Native American) and
this other bunch coming up via Japan, through Mexico and
the California coast who were in no way related.
Dr Silvia Gonzalez says,
"Mexico appears to have been a crossroads for people
spreading across the Americas. Our next project is to
examine remains found in the Baja peninsula of California,
and look at their DNA to see if they are related.
FUND THE END OF THE WORLD
The US government has given a $3 million
Energy Department grant to scientists so they can
try and develop a new form of life that will "develop
new sources of energy and better ways of detecting
biological weapons". The mycoplasma Genitalium,
a tiny organism that lives in the genital tracts of
people, will have it's genetic material removed, a
synthetic string inserted in it's place and then planted
in a hollow cell.
If it works, the cell will
create a life form that has never before existed. It's
said that this could lay the groundwork for a new generation
of biological weapons, but hey - it won't, honest! They
Say this new life form will be made incapable of infecting
people and will be confined and also designed to die if
it does escape into the environment.
To which I say, "Bull".
SUE PRESS FOR "GAY" REMARK...
Male Cardiocondyla obscurioA ants come in
two flavors - an aggressive, wingless type that has nasty
mandibles and fight to the death; and a more docile male
that "stays out of trouble by wearing lady's perfume
and acting like a queen". Say scientists who fell
all over themselves laughing when they realized they made
The study found that while
that both types mate with "virgin queens" in
the nest, the Macho ants tend to fight, attack each other
and act like typical sophomoric buffoons while the - and
I'm quoting here - "ladyboy ants" avoid getting
their ass kicked by producing a chemical that makes them
smell like a female, tricking the violent ants into not
starting Guy Crap with them. Sort of. The downside to
this is that the Manly Ants really think the other ants
are really girls and find them sexually arousing. So sometimes
try to mate with them, then say they were 'just really
drunk' when they find out the truth.
In order to make this clearer for us,
"This toleration of winged males and attempts
at homosexual mating with them can be explained by
the chemical resemblance of winged males and virgin
queens in their bouquet of cuticular hydrocarbons
on the body surface, which are important for communication
in social insects. Our behavioral observations indicate
that young winged males (one to five days old) are
as attractive as young virgin queens to ergatoid males,"
the researchers spewed.
NEW ON THE SITE:
PICS (or front page button) - Well, hell.
How timely! In the course of 2 short weeks I had 2
Michael Jackson face updates .... I'm also redoing
some of that OP page and links since they were made
in my $12 E-Z Web Page maker when I first put up the
site and and I'm trying to catch the older sections
up in a Big People HTML program now that I hate SO
badly, it's not even funny. Links are down, links
are screwed up..I'm working on it. Did I say "links"?
It's me, and not enough hours in the day.
PICS2 -.... Photo of a warm, wet, pussy (my mom's
already typing mail to me as you're reading this.."You
don't have to say "Pussy" you know"...)
... The new EuroPenis coin from Miriam..... How to Relax
101 from Julia's cat ... When cats use AOL from Dave G
... One hell of a scary looking ventriloquist dummy from
.. One for the Celebrity Irony files from Dave K...a rare
photo of a Wisconsin Tan from JBSloop (don't be eating
when you look at this...fair warning)...Fire Spirits from
MAP ARCHIVES added to and cut into sections
to make faster loading pages. I seem to have lost
a bunch and even looked under the couch, but I will
keep culling them off the map and posting them so
there's room to pin the map. Plus I get out of paying
for it if I keep the # under 600..MUhahahahah. You
can get to them from the button on the front
BUG REPLIES - I still have a few new ones I see
but have put up a page with the meat of them. This was
truly a learning experience...I'll let you judge for yourself
what the thing is. There's enough terrific input from
people and links to photos of bugs that you'll fall in
love with whatever the hell they are.
Some amazing photos sent in by Dave from Sacramento
who has taken a huge amount of time the last few weeks
to send me photos of spraying out there - if you had
doubts these might 'regular contrails' (the ones they
claim can't form under 30,000 feet?) take a look and
get convinced they aren't ...a list of all the biological
and chemical experiments the Government's conducted
on the public over the decades without them knowing
until it was too late .. photos of spraying right
over my head again Nov 25 ..a list of all the bio
and chemical experiments the Military/Government has
done to citizens without their knowledge....great
photos of Thanksgiving Day spraying in Chicago from
Shado....great pics from George in Macon, Georgia
(funny how that worked out)....a pic of a chem-square
and a plane just turning the spray on from Pat in
- a story about the drawings and etchings
underneath Master's paintings found in London's Gallery,
using infrared photography and computer splicing ...Research
find the Funniest Joke in the World
is down while I update it with info I've had coming in
from people (that was one of the first things up, so I'm
redoing it, too). I had some satellite photos up of some
of the sites that disappeared twice, so since it seems
to bother someone so badly, I'll make a point to get them
again. It'll be back up ASAP. Probably after the holidays
MAIL2 - I know this will come as a shock to
you, but there's been more. I have added a second
page and shortened the first, since it was getting
to be a long file.
REGULAR MAIL - I'm
chopping away at it slowly, as always. If you wrote and
I didn't answer yet, i didn't forget ya
COMING NEXT - A UFO section,
because I have some photos from people that are *very*
strange. This will also include "sky animals"
and any unidentified Things up there. Be forewarned,
I think 95% of all the UFO stuff out there is bull...so
that 5% I've stumbled on won't be much, but it'll
hopefully be Thinkable On. I also have piles of Gov./FBI
declassified documents (over 800) and as soon as I
can figure out how to put some up with out them being
a 12 second DL per page, I will.
ALSO NEXT - Your anomalous
stories - please feel free to send yours in, and I'll
cull bunches off the archived Guest Map posts. Thanks
to those who sent some in and told me they've never told
anyone before..I appreciate your trust )
ALSO NEXT- GHOST Section....I've
got quite a few photos recently from people that are
creepy as hell. Again, I am of the opinion a LOT of
the 'ghost' photos out there are explainable and/or
bogus, and I've gotten a huge kick out of writing
to some people whose ghost photos I've seen on the
web to ask permission to post them, only to be told
"I faked it..you won't want it". I like
that they are honest with me and like that atr least
one was being touted on a major site as "definite
proof". Gotta love a warped sense of humor! I
didn't put up a ghost section (or UFO) but I've had
such great things sent in and have stumbled on a few
oldies but goodies in all my reading that there's
enough to make it worthwhile.
ALSO (and then I'll shut
up) ... I'll be updating/redoing some of the older
sections of the site (the ones I made in my $12 Drag and
Drop Sam's Club Program) so things might be MIA here and
there for a day or two because I haven't been able to
do much with these damn migraines lately and poop out
in the middle of things. Thanks to everyone who's sent
corrections and additions and info to add. I really do
have a list a mile long of what to fix and correct and
add and I appreciate your help.
FREE holiday offer ... This was
so evil and naughty, I couldn't pass it up. These
are totally real looking Christmas scratch-off Lotto
tickets that are all "winners" for tens
of thousands of $$$. Let them have their heart attacks
and make their phone calls! Do the "Oh my God
I'm so happy for you!" shrieking and jumping
up and down thing with them. When they read the instructions
on the back as to how to file for the money, they'll
see they have to get a claim form from Santa Claus
and the ticket will be validated by the Tooth Fairy.
The good part is they'll be so stunned, you can get
a good 15 step running start before it hits them they
want to kill you. :) A pack of 3 is FREE until Dec.31st.
and will help support the site.
for now....Thanks for reading
Your Botoxed Blonde "Well, it'll paralyse your
muscles! That's good!" Webbabe
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I speak for all of us when I say, "Huh?"