Bolded lines are the ones that were added in what is said to
be a 2nd person's handwriting. As original, the letter reads like a guilty
apology explaining to to fans why he wants to quit the band and performing,
saying how jaded he is with it all and how little pleasure he gets out of
it. In fact it's become something that's eating him alive and he knows it
would be better to go out on top than stay with it all, trying to fake it.
He expresses his sadness about letting people down but it's more important
to make the changes and be happy.
Tne breaks and punctuation, etc. reflect the original
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To Boddah pronounced
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously
would rather be an emasculated, infantile camplainee. This note should
be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101
courses over the years. Since my first introduction to the, shall we say,
ethics
involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven
to
be very true. I haven't felt the exitement of listening to as well as creating
music
along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond
words about these things.
For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar
of the
crowd begins it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury
who
seemed to love. relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is
something
I totally admire and envy. The fact is I can't fool you. Any one of you.
It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be
to
rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100 % fun. Sometimes
I feel
as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've
tried everything
within my power to appreciate it, (and I do. God, believe me I do, but it's
not enough.
I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of
people.
I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're
one. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the
enthusiasm
I once had as a child. On our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation
for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still
can't get over
the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone.There's good in
all of us and I
think I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking
sad. The sad
little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces, Jesus man! Why don't you just enjoy
it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter
who reminds me
too much of what I used to be. Full of love and joy kissing every person she
meets
because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to
the point to where I can
barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable
self-destructive,
death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful,
but since
the age of seven I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because
it seems so
easy for people to get along, and have empathy. Empathy! Only because I love
and feel sorry
for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauceous
stomach and
remember, its better to burn out than to
fade away. peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney
for Frances
for her life which will be so much happier
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