CATMAN: One more case for surgery malpractice

Before


Dennis Abner of San Diego, CA (where else?), is a mild mannered, college educated former Marine and current computer programmer. He's also, if you ask him, a tiger. Or on his way to being one.


It all began one night when
he was 23 years old. He had a dream in which an Indian Chief told him to 'follow the ways of the tiger". It didn't occur to Dennis that Indian Chiefs live in the US and tigers don't, so maybe the dream guy meant it in a more metaphorical way, like "Getmore rest, Dennis!", since tigers sleep a lot, being cats and all. And it must be the rare Amphibitiger that's got the scales on their hands and arms...I don't think I've seen a photo of one. Hunh! But it's good that Dennis is a nice man, because if someone Kook had a dream like that, they might have gone on some bizarre violent tiger thing. I know the tigers here at the zoo will turn their butts to you and squirt you with their urine - like 10 feet! - when they get mad and I know Dennis doesn't do that. Or I sure hope so.

Anyway, the first thing Dennis did was get his eyes tattooed and since then he's spent over $150,000, 2,000 hours and almost 25 years undergoing incredible modifications to attain his dream of becoming a tiger. A real one.

His upper lip has been reshaped and implants inserted, his teeth filed and capped to make permanent points. He wears green contact lenses with slit irises. His ears are clipped and at the top to form points. He's had a dozen six-inch long fiberglass whiskers permanently implanted in his face, and his whole body tattooed in stripes.He's legally changed his name to "Catman". As a crowning touch his hair is Tiger Orange, but that's only until he can find some way to add the finishing touch to his transformation and have actual tiger pelts grafted onto "every inch of" his body at a cost of $100,000.
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